4 Things to Do When You're Feeling Overwhelmed by Success and Joy
A lifelong dream came true yesterday – and my nervous system is totally shocked and frozen by all of the excitement. Here's what we both can do when success and joy feel overwhelming.
As I watched my brother die, I had this out of body experience where I was floating through space, and everything that mattered in life shone bright like a star, and everything that didn’t faded into the darkness in between.
Yes, I’m going to start with dead brothers and out of body experiences.
I’ve had a few agents, many editors, and a couple friends tell me no one wants to hear about dead brothers. And they might be right.
But I can’t tell this story without mentioning both my brother and the out of body experience I had as he was dying. Because that moment has been my North Star.
Because the bright shining stars I saw as my brother died, were all books.
In that moment, I realized that my legacy, the reason I was put here on earth, was to tell my stories, help you tell your stories, and collectively change the world through amplifying diverse stories.
This has been my guiding light for over a decade. I’ve used it to show me the path forward and help me make hard decisions when I’ve faced a cross roads.
My contemporary queer romance novel, Because Fat Girl, debuts October 22!
Yesterday, we officially announced that Entangled Publishing bought this book, and I’m so friggin’ excited to work with this team. (Check out my Instagram for all the details!)
It is an absolute dream come true!
On top of that, my company, School for Writers, has helped hundreds of people write, edit, publish, and market their books.
I am so close to that North Star goal post I’ve been working towards for a decade!
Wonderfully, excitingly close!
And as I get closer, I find myself nervous. Unable to sleep. Overwhelmed. Depressed even.
When you’re so used to pushing to achieve a goal, it can sometimes be shocking to your system to arrive at your destination.
Now what?
What do you do when your dreams come true?
My body went into shock at first (more on that for the Inner Circle later this week).
It was hard to handle all of that good news at once.
As my doctors like to remind me, our bodies can’t always tell the difference between the stress from joy excitement and the stress from sadness and fear.
It made sense that hugely good news made me feel so ecstatic that I couldn’t sleep and felt like running around the block 100 times.
It also made sense that it was scary AF, especially because I’m about to be visibly queer and fat on the internet and in media – two things that haven’t always felt safe.
Handling all of this wonderfully great news required me to put systems in place to calm myself down so I didn’t burn out.
Systems I thought I would share with you all, in case you need them too.
1. Celebrate the fuck out of each and every little moment.
You did it! You made this happen. Celebrate that! Even if it feels tiny, celebrate it! Even if it might not come to fruition, celebrate that you got close!
My sister and I popped champagne about 5 times last month. We might as well buy stock in mini-champagne bottles at this point because we are going to celebrate every little detail of my book publishing process.
Why?
Yes, because I deserve to celebrate my accomplishments, and so do you.
But also because our nervous systems and brains and bodies all need to know that it is safe to put ourselves out there, that we will be rewarded for it, and that we can do it again.
(Check out my 33 Asks: Marketing for Creatives program for more on that.)
I interrupt this regularly scheduled blog post to talk about this image right here:
I am dying of laughter so hard at this. I went to go add a photo to this post and the option to create one came up, and so I thought I’d see how it works. I entered “woman writer holding champagne and celebrating” and the result was totally normal. Then I added “lesbian” in front of woman. And got this ridiculousness.
Their faces are all fucked up, they’re conjoined matching twins, and how is that champagne floating on the book? Also, why were the only options older white women in suits?
Ya’ll. AI is homophobic, racist, and so fucking bad at its job. But I might have to use it more often to get a good laugh, because damn, this is hilarious.
And also, this feels shockingly accurate for how I feel right now, so maybe it got it right?
2. Sit with whatever is coming up in your body.
When my niece was little, she once told me she was scared to go to Disneyland the next day. I remember vividly the full conversation we had about how excitement and fear feel the same in our bodies.
“Are you scared or excited?” I asked her.
“Both,” she said.
She wanted to ride the rides and see the pretty lights down Main Street, but she also worried it would be a lot at once and she’d not know what to do first.
“It’s so much I want to cry,” she said.
Or, as my sister said more eloquently, “I’m so excited I’m gonna shit my pants.”
Being overwhelmed in your body from good news is natural.
Here are some questions I asked myself these past few weeks as I’ve dealt with the overwhelming excitement:
What fear is rising in me?
How can I thank it for trying to protect me while reminding it I’m safe? Do I need to put protections in place to actually be safe?
Who do I know that’s faced something similar? How have I handled facing something similar in the past?
What systems can I put in place to support me going forward?
These questions I developed when my brother got cancer and I felt overwhelmed with the path forward. They’re also great questions for dealing with overwhelm from success.
Both come with shock.
Both can be hard on your body.
Both deserve you to support your nervous system through them.
3. Get a physical release.
Your nervous system needs a release. Find the one that best supports you in this moment and do it.
Here are some ideas:
Masturbate.
Dance.
Splatter paint.
Do yoga. (HIGHLY suggest a subscription to The Underbelly with
, self-love and nervous system regulation is built-in so beautifully and naturally at its core.)Get high. But not too high. (See my Eat the Shrimp story for why …)
Take a shot of booze.
Go for a run (even a 10 second one does something more than just a walk does).
Do jumping jacks (I love these also for tightness in my shoulders).
Shake your body out.
You gotta physically release that energy, so let it out!
That’s what works for me, what do you do? Let me know in the comments.
4. Sit still.
You can’t get to stillness without all the other stuff first, so don’t even try getting here until you’ve released your nervousness physically.
Take a moment and place one hand over your heart and ther other over your diaphragm just at the top of your belly.
Breathe.
Feel your hands go out and in.
Connect with your body.
Thank it for getting you here.
Thank it for the excitement.
Thank it for the fear.
Thank it.
Thank yourself.
Remember you are not separate from your body.
Thank all the parts of you.
Whole.
Here.
Now.
If sitting still feels hard still, do this in your journal. Write a thank you note from yourself to yourself.
(For help with that, check out my Journal Through It course.)
Take a moment to be in the present.
Thank all the parts of you.
Because you did this.
You made this happen.
And that deserves a moment of gratitude.
I hope these techniques help you like they helped me.
I hope you feel safer stepping into the spotlight, embracing your glow up, and using your voice after reading this.
Because the world needs your story now more than ever.™
With so much love,
Lauren
P.S. If you’re a part of the Inner Circle, come back Friday for a more intimate look at how I handled all of this exciting (yet also totally overwhelming and scary!) news.
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